Thursday, July 7, 2011

Grace for Dust

I'm at a difficult point in my spiritual walk with God right now. For months, starting about last September, I have had such a sweet fellowship and time of learning and growing. Then June came...I don't know what happened in June, I just know that it has been a difficult time for me to continue that fellowship and so many of the spiritual disciplines that I had cultivated over the past months. Here are some things that have tripped me up:

  • I stopped fasting once a week
  • I stopped exercising
  • I started learning about blogging and social media and got caught up in it - morning times became a time to check email and blog posts (none of which are bad things) INSTEAD of spending time in the word ( okay, there's the problem!)
As a result:
  • I'm exhausted all the time
  • I'm not sleeping well - probably because I'm drinking caffeine again
  • I feel overwhelmed at work
  • I have a hard time focusing and concentrating
Ooh, that's painful to write, but it's the truth. At times like this it's hard to simply get back on track because I feel like I've let God down - disappointed him - lost favor with him. The truth is, I have broken fellowship with him. I miss him, and I believe he misses me. 

How do I fix it? Well, this morning I just sat down at my desk as I usually do, and instead of opening my laptop, I opened my bible, and there he was. I read a verse that has become so special to me because it is a reminder that God understands me and loves me. 

This is my special verse: Psalm 103:14  "For he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust."
I love that! Follow it up with this: Hebrews 4:15-16  "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find GRACE to help us in our time of need."

I don't know about you but my time of need is every minute of every day. I don't have to waste time beating myself up because I slipped. I can get right back into the groove because he's right there waiting for me. 

I have recognized this as spiritual warfare. My feelings and thoughts tell me that God doesn't want me back until I get my act together and prove myself to him. If that isn't a lie straight from the pit of hell, I don't know what is!  If the enemy can keep me working hard on fixing myself he wins. On the other hand, when I remember that God simply waits for me to turn to him - that's it - then I immediately plug back into the source of my strength and let him fight the battle for me. I really like that part! I have to be ready - in the word and prayed up - all the time, but God fights the battles.

No matter how much I slip or struggle he is always God; the same yesterday, today and forever, and he is the one who gives grace for my dust. 

What causes you to struggle the most? Are you frustrated and trying to fight this battle all alone? What scripture can you use to help you fight this battle? 

Live today as one who is graced, and be thankful. 

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