This is my first blog post in a little over a week. What happened? Well, I woke up one morning a week or so ago and just felt overwhelmed...by everything. For some people this is a challenge to push ahead and do more and more. For me, it's more likely to trigger a shutdown, which is what happened.
Now I didn't get depressed or hysterical or anything overly dramatic. But I did reach a point where I was just too tired to carry the burden and worry of the things on my to-do list.
Sometimes things - even good things - take on a life of their own until it seems that you're spending all of your energy on secondary things, and the primary things fall by the wayside.
In my job this is paperwork. It has to be done and there are many valid reasons for keeping up with it. Nevertheless, there are many days that I spend the entire day on paperwork and never see a patient. That makes it easy to feel like my priorities are messed up.
Writing has been the same kind of experience. You write because you love it and even feel called to do it. Then you look at publishing and find out you need to have a platform and blog and enter contests and guest post and...and...and... the list goes on and on, and pretty soon you're doing everything BUT what you feel called to do.
Cue the shutdown.
This is a hard place to be, but the beautiful thing about it is that when I get too tired to keep up the pace and too tired to try to keep all of the balls in the air, then I have finally come to the place where I stop trying to do it on my own, and start listening for the voice of God to lead.
My life, my work, my writing are all in God's hand. This is the God who has a plan for me - a good plan. Jeremiah 29:11 is my life verse. How easy it is for life to get in the way of hearing the voice of God. How subtle a thing it is.
I've heard people say that nothing comes to us that doesn't pass through God's hands first. I believe that. I especially believe that he allows me to feel overwhelmed sometimes because he knows that triggers a shutdown in me. It's like rebooting a computer. It allows me to turn off all the noise and business of life and to refocus on Him.
When my focus is fixed he restores my soul, refreshes me like a tree planted by the rivers of water. He is like a cool breeze that blows away the humidity and the gnats and the dry, parching heat, and leaves me feel cleansed and new and good again.
I'm still regrouping this time: cutting away the dead weight, remembering who orders my life no matter what the 'professionals' say, and remembering that my mission field for today is where he placed me. I will go to work today with a new focus and a renewed spirit, asking God to use me for his glory and for the blessing of others today. I can't go wrong with that.
How does God let you know when you need to stop and regroup, refocus on Him? Have you had times when you were so busy doing good things that you lost your focus on the Holy One? If you are there right now, what do you need to do to get back on track?